Complicated Grief: Signs You Need Professional Help
Losing someone you love is one of the most difficult experiences you will ever face. It is natural to feel a wide range of emotions, from deep sadness to anger or even numbness. You may find yourself wondering, “is therapy necessary for grief?” While grief is a normal human response to loss, professional support becomes essential when the pain feels "stuck" or begins to interfere with your ability to live your life.
At Room for Change, we believe that while grief never fully disappears. It should eventually become easier to carry. If your grief feels as fresh and agonizing today as it did months ago, you may be experiencing what clinicians call complicated grief.
The Critical Signs You Need Professional Help
In our practice, we’ve seen that grief doesn’t always follow a predictable path. For some, the waves of grief don’t get smaller over time; instead, they remain as towering and destructive as they were on day one. This is often referred to as complicated grief or Prolonged Grief Disorder.
If you or a loved one are experiencing the following, it is a strong indication that professional support could be life-changing:
1. Persistent "Functional Paralysis"
It is normal to struggle with chores or work in the first few weeks. However, if six months or a year has passed and you still find it impossible to maintain a job, care for your children, or manage basic hygiene, your grief has moved into a state of functional paralysis. When the "brain fog" of loss prevents you from navigating the requirements of daily life, a therapist can help you find your footing.
2. Radical Social Withdrawal and Isolation
While a period of solitude is common, prolonged isolation is a red flag. You might feel that "no one understands" or that being around others is too painful because it highlights your loss. If you are actively avoiding all social contact or feel a deep sense of detachment from the people who are still present in your life, therapy can provide a safe bridge back to human connection.
3. Intense Feelings of Worthlessness or Guilt
Some people struggle with "survivor’s guilt" or the belief that they failed the person who passed. If your internal monologue is dominated by "I should have done more" or "I don’t deserve to be happy without them," these intrusive thoughts can become a barrier to healing. Professional counseling helps you process these narratives and find a more compassionate perspective.
4. Somatic Distress and Physical Ailments
Grief is not just in your head; it is in your body. Complicated grief often manifests as physical pain, chronic exhaustion, digestive issues, or a weakened immune system. If you are experiencing physical symptoms that your doctor cannot fully explain, your body may be "holding" the trauma of the loss.
5. Maladaptive Coping Mechanisms
To escape the relentless pain, some people turn to substances, excessive working, or other impulsive behaviors to numb the agony. If you find yourself relying on alcohol, medication, or doomscrolling to get through the night, it is a sign that your current coping tools are no longer enough.
Time healing wounds is a myth. I've never met someone that healed alone in their grief, instead I've seen countless people heal as they establish support and community. Grief counseling allows for the reality of the relationship to be unpacked, for the griever to introduce their loved one to a new person, and the depth of their pain to be realized without overtaking them. Once the therapeutic work is concluded, the griever has found new ways to stay connected to their loved one, not simply to say goodbye to the deceased.
- Amanda Esquivel, Owner and Lead Counselor of Room for Change
Why We Get "Stuck" in Grief
To understand if therapy is necessary for grief, it helps to understand what is happening in the brain. Typically, the brain eventually learns to integrate a loss. It begins to understand that the person is gone, while still maintaining an internal emotional bond with them.
In complicated grief, this learning process is interrupted. The brain remains in a state of high alert, constantly searching for the loved one. This keeps the nervous system in a state of fight or flight, which is why you might feel constantly irritable, jumpy, or utterly exhausted.
In our practice, we’ve seen that certain factors can make grief more likely to become complicated:
The death was sudden, violent, or unexpected.
The relationship was "enmeshed" or highly dependent.
The person grieving lacks a solid support system in their community.
There are "secondary losses," such as the loss of financial stability or the loss of a home, occurring at the same time.
Therapy isn't about "getting over" the person. Rather, it is about helping your brain and heart process the reality of the loss so that you can begin to carry it differently.
How Professional Therapy Facilitates Change
When you work with a therapist at Room for Change, we don't just ask "how do you feel?" We use evidence-based approaches to help you navigate the complexities of your specific loss.
Validating the Narrative: We provide a space where you can tell the story of your loss as many times as you need to without feeling like a burden.
Managing the Window of Tolerance: We help you expand your ability to sit with difficult emotions without becoming completely overwhelmed or totally numb.
Addressing Secondary Losses: We help you navigate the practical and emotional changes to your identity now that your loved one is gone.
Honoring the Connection: We work on finding healthy ways to keep the memory of your loved one alive while still participating in the present.
Therapy acts as a container for your pain, allowing it to be seen and processed rather than suppressed.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
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You know it is time for counseling when your grief feels like a constant, unyielding weight that prevents you from experiencing any other emotions. If your "lows" are becoming deeper and you feel unable to envision a future, a professional can help you navigate the path out of the darkness.
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Many people find that the "Depression" or "Yearning" stage is the hardest. This often hits months after the funeral, when the initial support from friends has faded, and the silence of the loss becomes deafening. However, remember that grief is circular, not linear; you may cycle through stages many times.
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The healthiest way to grieve is to balance “loss-rriented" activities (crying, looking at photos, visiting the grave) with "restoration-Oriented" activities (trying a new hobby, meeting a friend, focusing on work). This oscillation allows the heart to rest and the mind to adapt.
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Unhealthy patterns include chronic avoidance (pretending the loss didn't happen) or permanent inhabitation (refusing to engage with anything other than the loss). Both extremes prevent the heart from integrating the new reality of your life.
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The best thing to do is to be incredibly patient with yourself. Grief uses an immense amount of physical and mental energy. Prioritize sleep, hydration, and gentle movement, and don't be afraid to say "no" to obligations that feel too heavy.
Finding Your Way Through the Dark
Grief can make you feel like you are wandering in a forest with no map. But you don't have to find your way back alone.
Whether you are in the local communities of Garland, Dallas, or Houston, or you prefer the convenience and comfort of online therapy from anywhere in Texas, Room for Change is here to support you.
If you feel that your grief has become a barrier to your life, we invite you to reach out. Our therapists provide a compassionate, person-first approach to help you honor your past while building a future. Book a therapy appointment today.
The information provided in this blog post is for educational purposes only and is not intended to diagnose, treat, or prevent any mental health condition. If you're experiencing persistent thoughts of self-harm or deep despair, please reach out to a qualified mental health professional immediately. For immediate crisis support, contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (call or text 988) or the Crisis Text Line (text HOME to 741741).
